Farwell Hogwarts
by couarge09
Summary: After the battle against Voldemort, most of the seventh years return to complete their final year at Hogwarts. One of the Seventh Year Student being none other than Pansy Parkinson. Read as she battles her inner demons and tries to find true happiness.
1. Chapter 1

Pug-face, slut, bitch, wench, etc.; those were the few common names that people referred as. She didn't want to let it bother, but it still hurt in the end. She built this tough exterior throughout Hogwarts, but somehow some of the insults managed to add small cracks to the wall. No matter how many cracks the wall would endure, Pansy never showed her emotions. Her mother always told keep her head up and show no weakness, which is why she never cried in front of people. Only a few people have seen her cry, but they wouldn't say anything about it.

She didn't know why she was back here for 7th year; it's not like its mandatory for her to be here, but somehow it was oddly comforting. The platform was filled up with first years and both new and returning 7th years. Even the golden trio decided to come back, which was a surprise since she had heard they were offered jobs, so she assumed they already be off making a living. What was the point of coming back when everyone considers you a hero; she was pretty sure there were countless of jobs wanting them.

She watched as the no longer bushy haired girl hugged the boy who lived and the gingered haired boy. She felt a pang of envy as she watched their interaction. I always wondered what it would be like to have friends that actually cared about you and were genuinely happy to see you, instead of the fake greetings she would normally get. She would never know because she's a Slytherin and will always be. It was time to board the train to Hogwarts. As she passed the different compartments she heard giggles and laughter various students who had joined their friends. It made her think about when was she ever truly happy? Was it times she spent with Malfoy or when she was younger? She didn't get to think for long because the compartment door she was standing in front of opened. Blaise Zabini stepped out and was surprised to see Pansy standing there.

"Parkinson, I didn't think you'd come back," He said.

"Well I figured it's better than staying at home with my father," I replied. It was the truth. Ever since mother died and the fact that Voldemort is dead, my father has gotten worse than his usual self. He barely acknowledges my existence.

"Ok, well I'm off to the loo," He said, before walking away.

I let out a sigh of relief that I didn't know I had been holding. It was really strange to see Zabini because the last time she saw him was during battle. **The final battle**. Both sides had lost a lot of people during that battle. Was there such thing as wars were you lost no one. She remembered Bulstrode calling out to her for help, but she had been too afraid to move or do anything to jeopardize her own life. So, she just watched as they killed Millicent Bulstrode right in front of her. This wasn't supposed to happen; it wasn't supposed to be like this. All she could feel in that situation was overwhelming guilt and anger. Anger because she could have done something but she didn't.

She opened the compartment door to reveal the last person she wanted see, Draco Malfoy. He spared her one glance before looking back outside. She took the seat across from him not wanting to sit close to him. No longer sat a little boy with gelled back hair, but instead a young man with slightly disheveled hair and steel cold grey eyes, which looked like they hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. But who could blame him? His father was in Azkaban and his mother on house arrest. She'd be surprised if he got any sleep at all. She stared at him for a few more minutes before turning away and looking out the window. This was the guy she always had a crush and fantasized about them being married one day, but that was just foolish thinking. She always knew he like her and was just using her, but she pushed aside the truth for comfort all those years. She did manage to forget at points but the truth always revealed its ugly face at the end. Most girls would be angry to find out that they were just being used and she would be too if she wasn't using him too. Being with him took away the stress of her everyday life, she felt comforted when they were together. So in the end he used her for sex and her not to feel so lonely. The silence was broken when Zabini came through the door.

"Why is it so quiet in here?" he asked, sitting next to Draco. When neither I nor Draco responded, he just shrugged and ate a chocolate frog.

The great hall feast was the same as always except for one minor change. Dumbeldore died so Mcgonagall was the new Headmaster. McGonnell did the speech Dumbeldore would do every year and the sorting of the first years began. I didn't really pay attention to who got sorted where, all I know is that we have 5 new members who seemed to be excited to be in Slytherin. I could remember the first time I came to Hogwarts and was so excited about being here. Only if someone told me that a war would break out and half the people I knew were going to die, would I be excited then?

After everyone was sorted, the food appeared right in front of us. Everyone seemed to be talking except for Draco, Blaise and I. I wasn't really that hungry so I ate a little bit just to pass by the time. Once dinner was over, Mcgonagall asked the seventh years to stay behind. After the last 6th year left, mcgonagall spoke:

"Welcome back, new and returning students. Returning students it's honor that you have come back to complete your year. As I'm sure most of you know that Hogwarts is a place to grow as an excellent successful young wizard. But as I'm aware most of you are hurting from the war that broke out, as am I. We have lost many wonderful people and that has caused a traumatic experience in some of our lives. That's why I have designed a new class to help you cope with the changes in your everyday lives, which you will start tomorrow. Any questions?"

Nobody raised their hand except for Granger, who weasel brought her hand down quickly. Macgonall waited a few more minutes before dismissing us. Draco, Blaise, and I were walking side by side to our common room.

"What a joke. Who does Mcgonagall think she is? Next thing you'll know she will want us to have a bloody tea party with potter, Granger, and Weasely," I spat. Just the thought of it made me shiver.

"I hope it's not black tea, I'm not particularly fond of it," Zabini said, finding humor in my dismay.

Draco on other hand remained silent as if he didn't hear or he was just ignoring us. Blaise not liking his silence asked,

"What do you think mate?"

"What I think doesn't matter, does it? I'm just ready to get this stupid year over with," he replied, storming a head of us.

Blaise and I walked in silence until we got to common room and went our separate ways. I went to my dorm, who I was sharing with two 6th years who already sleeping, since most of the girls from my house either died or didn't want to come back. One of the sixth years being, Astoria Greengrass, who I happened to be close with her sister Daphne. It hurt a little when I found out that Daphne had died during the war. I watched the little girl sleep a little longer before eventually heading off to bed.

" _Pansy, help me," Millicent cried out as death eaters circled around her._

 _I wanted to move and help her, but I just remained frozen and watched as Millicent die all over again. I heard shouts of fear and spells all around me. I could taste the smoke and in that moment I wanted to give up, but I knew I couldn't._

I woke up with tears streaming down my face and my body was drenched in sweat from the nightmare. I looked around the room and saw that the other girls were still sleeping. I tried falling back asleep, but my body wouldn't let me. I got out of bed and went to the window ledge. I could tell it was still night time by the way the moon was positioned. I looked down and wondered what would it be like to jump off the ledge? I honestly had nothing really live for and I'm sure no one would miss me. As tempting as it was, I decided against doing it because that's a coward's way out and I'm not a coward. She slowly backed away from the window and went back to back. Instead of sleeping, she just laid there crying .


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, my eyes were bloodshot red from all the crying I was doing last night. It was so bad that I don't even remember falling asleep. I don't know if the other girls heard me, but they took notice of my appearance and didn't say anything. I splashed a little bit of water on face, before getting ready for the day. After I was finished getting dressed, I headed for the Great Hall,.

Blaise and Draco were already seated and talking to each other; it was mostly Blaise talking and Draco just listening. I took a seat across from them, grabbing a slice of toast. I wasn't really that hungry, but it was better to eat something than nothing. I took a bite of the toast, which I seemed to have difficulty swallowing because I felt I had a lump in my throat. I stopped eating when I felt a pair of eyes staring at my me. I looked up and Zabini just staring at me. Why was he staring at me like that?

"Yikes, what the hell happened to your face?" He asked, stopping his conversation with Draco. Draco looked at me for a few minutes before returning to his breakfast.

"Zip it, Zabini," I said, giving him a look that dared him to say more. Here didn't say anything else after that. He just resumed his conversation with Draco like I wasn't even there. Once breakfast had ended, all the seventh years reported to our first class of the day, Grief and Counseling. As expected all houses sat next to each other. I assumed most of us were expecting macgongall walk into the room, but instead a petite young blonde woman came inside.

"Good morning class, my name is Alice stead. I'll be your grief and counseling professor," she said in a chipper tone. I could tell I wasn't going to like this woman at all.

"In this class you along with your partner will learn how to cope with traumatic situations. Any questions?" she asked. Not surprising that Granger was the first and only one raising her hand.

"Yes Ms. Granger?"

"What do you mean by partner?" Granger asked.

"Great question, what I mean is I'll assign each of you a partner, who you'll be working with until the end of term. The partner I select will not be from the same house. You guys will discuss how you feel . I will want a report each time we meet, but you don't have to write one today since it's our first time meeting. The report will be due each time you have this class which is one week from now. "She looked around the room once more to see if anyone else had a question, which thankfully no one did. There she carried on with what she had to say,

"Now when I call your name go sit next to your partner, this will be your new seating place each time you come to this class. The first pairing is Ron Weasely and Luna Lovegood."

The pairings were relatively normal, but some had me questioning if this lady knew who she was pairing who with. I didn't think Cho Chang and Ginny Weasely would make a good pairing since one of them is Potters ex and the other is his girlfriend. I just hoped I wasn't paired with someone weird or someone I hated. I was so focused on my thoughts that I almost didn't hear the next pairing called out.

" Draco Malfoy and Neville Longbottom."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at such a terrible pairing. I expected an outburst from him, but he did the complete opposite of what I was expecting. He got up from the seat next to me and moved to the seat next to equally shocked Longbottom.

"The next pairing is Hermione Granger and Pansy Parkinson," Ms. Stead announced.

There was no way in hell I was working with Granger. I was not about to remain slient about this pairing.

"No fucking way," I shouted. I hated Hermione Granger and everything she stood for. She was the definition of what my mother would call weak. So if this woman thinks I'm working with her, than she is deranged.

"Watch your mouth Ms. Parkinson or I'll deduct points from Slytherin," commanded. I glared at than I turned to glare at Granger, who seemed to be glaring at me back.

"Look on the Brightside, you guys could share beauty tips," Blaise whispered in my ear. I'm glad he's finding humor in my situation.

"Sod off , Zabini," I said, to which he laughed at my response. I wasn't going to move and Granger noticed, so she moved from where she was sitting to sit next to me. Was my life doomed to eternal misery? I rather be paired with Looney Luna than with bookworm Granger.

"The final pairing is Blaise Zabini and Harry Potter."

I sent to a smug look to Blaise thinking he was about to cause a scene, but he actually looked happy. The smug look on my face was replaced with a look of utter confusion.

"How delightful, I get to work with the boy who lived. Who knows the golden trio may have to change its name to the golden quartet ," He said, moving from the seat next to me to the vacant seat Granger had just vacated.

"Now that you are all with your partners, I'd like for you to talk and get to know each other better. This the first assignment. "

I heard a few conversations happening around me , but I was not about to talk to Granger. We sat in silence for a while before I heard her sigh.

"I don't know about you, but I don't plain on failing this class," she said. I don't plan on either, but I'm not going to act like I don't despise her. I was planning on ignoring her when a brilliant idea popped in my head.

"So who was a better lay, potter or weasel king?" I asked, turning around to face her. Her face went from shock, disgust, and finally to anger. I had caught her off guard. I started to laugh, but my laughter was abruptly cut short.

"Unlike you Parkinson, I don't sleep with my entire house," she fired back.

The joy I was once feeling quickly vanished, anger taking its place. Who did this muggle-born bitch think she was talking to. I was going to say something back, but Ms. Stead dismissed class. Granger was the first one out of the class. Potter and Weasel shot me dirty looks before following after her.

I was currently in the common room trying to complete my potions assignment that was due tomorrow. This was proving to be rather difficult because I couldn't concentrate. For some reason Granger comment earlier had somehow managed to make a deeper crack into the wall that was already about to break. Her comment kept replaying in my mind over and over again. In frustration I pushed aside the assignment. A few years back I wouldn't be stressing over a petty comment Granger made, I would have already been plotting my revenge. I had thought of ways to get back, but it wouldn't do anything to take back what she said. I was so focused in my thoughts that I didn't notice when he came in.

"Hey," he said taking the seat next to me.

I knew exactly what Malfoy was here for. He always put on the same act each time he wanted to do it. In the past I would have been excited, but now I just feel nothing. I know I shouldn't do it, but I needed a distraction. I needed something to ease the pain. I needed a bandage to try to heal the damaged wall. I wasted no time and crushed my lips againgst his.

 **A/N: Thanks to everyone who followed this story.**


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